Understanding
by FailKitten13
Summary: No-one wanted to speak to you. It was almost as though they all thought you were contagious. It was hard just to get people to look your way. Then, he came along. SanjiXReader. I hope you enjoy. Rated T mostly for implications.
1. Chapter 1

Stupid. They'd all thought you were stupid. It wasn't like you couldn't hear the whispers. You considered yourself friendless. No-one really had the urge to talk to you or even sit near you. They all thought you were contagious.

You were in shock when he sat by you. You couldn't even respond when he gave you that sweet smile you always saw him give other girls.

"Sanji, what are you doing? Just let her be!"

"I just want to talk to her."

You hesitantly looked up at him, feeling as though looking at him would wake you from your dream or else turn it into an awful nightmare.

"Hey. I'm Sanji."

You felt your heart skip a beat. He was talking to you.

"What's your name?"

You felt your mouth open, but no words would come out. You were diseased, you knew. Didn't he fear catching whatever it was you had? Didn't he see the marks on your exposed skin?

Instead of responding, you leapt to your feet.

"Hey, wait!"

Running. You were running.

"What's wrong? What did I say?"

You didn't stop until you were out of the school. That was close.

What was close?

The next morning, it happened again. Why was he so hell bent on talking to you when no-one else could bear to look at you?

"You going to run away this time?" he asked.

Slowly, hesitantly, you shook your head.

He smiled at you.

"That's good. I never got your name."

You looked down. Should you give him your name?

He gave you his.

"...I'm...[NAME]," you finally told him.

He smiled even wider, and you wondered if his face would eventually split in half.

"That's a lovely name for a gorgeous girl."

You felt your face heat up. This was a cruel joke, wasn't it? No-one ever described you as 'lovely' or 'gorgeous'. Those were only words you dreamed of hearing, words you desired to have as a part of your life. You squinted at him.

"Oh, no, please don't go this time!"

You had stood from your seat. It was too good to be true. He was too good to be true.

Sanji jumped up and began following you down the hallway.

"Want me to carry your books for you?" he offered.

You only glanced at him, your face frozen in shock. He held his arms out toward you expectantly. All you could do was shake your head and pull your belongings closer to you. You watched out of the corner of your eye as Sanji's arms dropped to his side. He seemed to know when to let go of a topic, but he also kept walking with you in the hallway.

"Why are you talking to me?" you blurted.

He raised an eyebrow at this[the only eyebrow that was visible].

"I just wanted to get to know you, [NAME]. You seem so lonely all the time."

He smiled sweetly at you. He was staring at you. Your skin crawled, and you looked away.

"No-one wants to get to know me," you told him flatly. "I want the truth."

His smile slowly faded, but he was still looking at you. You'd stopped.

"[NAME]..."

"Leave me alone."

Why did he insist on following you anyway?


	2. Chapter 2

"This will be a partner project."

You shrunk in your seat as you watched people begin choosing partners even as the teacher finished her instructions. Even though you were confident you could do this well enough on your own, you wondered what it would be like to have someone to work with. However, as you were setting your materials up, you came to realise you wouldn't be wondering very long.

"Hey, [NAME]."

Shakily, you looked up at Sanji. You felt a surge of anger toward him. Why did he have to be there? Why did he insist on talking to you?

"I was thinking we could work together. I mean, the teacher's saying we'll be counted down if we work alone, so I thought you'd want some help in that area."

You looked back down at the materials you had spread out. Was she really counting you down for the lack of a partner? That was ridiculous. You looked up at the teacher, and your eyes met momentarily.

"You okay with that?" he asked.

Slowly, you turned back to him. Without really thinking about it, you nodded. You invited him into your life, and you could feel the difference.

A stupid grin spread across his face as he pushed a slip of paper across the table at you.

"Here's my number. Don't feel like you have to give me yours, just call me when you want me to come over and work on this."

Your eyes widened.

"We...we can't do it in class?"

"...No, she isn't giving us class time to work on it."

"You can't come to my house."

He seemed confused.

"Well, come to mine, then."


	3. Chapter 3

Were the directions he'd given you false? You stared back and forth between the paper and the house you stood in front of. It didn't seem to fit him. You'd thought he would have lived in a really nice house, if not a really big one. You were standing in front of a cottage that hardly looked like it had two bedrooms in it.

You must have been taking a long time just staring at the house, because Sanji eventually came out to greet you himself.

"Don't be intimidated," he laughed.

You followed him inside, feeling like an intruder. You never should have come.

You looked around. There was a woman making food in the section of the front room that you supposed was the kitchen.

"Hi, [NAME]. I was wondering when you'd come. Sanji talks about you a lot."

You barely heard her words, for you were trying to sort out the odd feelings you were sensing from her. There was a connection there. You wanted to talk to her desperately, but that would be weird. Sanji pulled you out of your thoughts by placing his hand on your arm. You jerked away from him subconsciously.

"Sorry, you just seemed to be in a daze...sorry."

He looked ashamed of himself, and you weren't even sure what he did wrong.

You shook your head. "It's nothing. You just surprised me."

"So, what's this project you're working on?"

Your face heated up in embarrassment, for you couldn't even remember what you were supposed to be doing. Thankfully, Sanji had been paying attention.

"It's for Literature," he explained. "We're supposed to write our take on a classic faerytale or something like that."

"Alright. I'm cooking tonight, Sanji. Hope you don't mind. I wish you would have told me sooner that you were having a girl over: I would have let you have free reign over the kitchen."

Your face heated up further even though Sanji remained as composed as he had been so far in your presence. His mother smiled at you.

"Didn't Sanji tell you how excellent a cook he is?"

You shook your head up at her.

"Maybe you should come over again sometime so you can see for yourself."

All you could do was stare at her.

"Alright, Mom, we'll be back for dinner," Sanji assured her as he took your arm again.

A shudder went through you at the touch, but you allowed it as you followed him back into what you assumed was his room.

"What faerytale are we doing?" you asked immediately, seemingly afraid to step out of the doorway.

"I was thinking Cinderella," he chuckled. "It seems easy enough."

You nodded. It did seem easy enough, and it wasn't like you had any good ideas on which faerytale you wanted to do.

"So, how'll we start?"

You shrugged. "Maybe...uhm...a synopsis. Like...say, out loud, the gist of the story."

"Alright. Sounds simple enough. Want me to go first?"

He sat on his bed, and you nodded.

"You can come in, y'know."

"I..."

You couldn't think of a real reason not to, so you walked in a little ways and sat against the wall so that you were across from Sanji.

"Okay, so, here's how I see it," he began. "This lady lives with her father, but her mother dies. So, her father gets lonely and takes in another wife, who has two daughters of her own. Eventually, the father dies and this poor young lady is stuck with the evil stepmother and stepsisters. But, like, the Prince holds this ball for all the maidens in the kingdom. And, he meets Cinderella at the ball, who's the most beautiful lady there. So, they get married and Cinderella doesn't have to put up with the stepfamily pushing her around anymore. What do you have to say on it?"

You swallowed a lump.

"I...Cinderella lives with an abusive family...and...she is submissive and doesn't think she'll ever get out of that house. So...after a cycle of abuse, the prince brings her to the ball along with every other eligible young woman in the kingdon, but something just...clicks with her. So, after going through a huge search to find her after she ran away at midnight, he finally gets to her. So, she's able to get away from those who are hurting her by marrying her prince."

By this point, you were playing with your pencil, not meeting Sanji's eyes. He probably thought you saw the story weird.

"Wow, [NAME]," he responded after a small moment of silence. "I never heard it told that way before. I wonder what other things are like when seen through your eyes."

You looked up at him, speechless. He was grinning at you.

"Guys, the food's done."

You'd just noticed Sanji's mother standing in the doorway.

As the two of you sat at the table, you found yourself wondering at the food. How could they afford to make such an extravagent meal when they lived in such a modest house with so few possessions?

"So, [NAME], are you new up at this school?"

She was talking to you. You looked up at her.

"No," you replied quietly.

You'd been going to the same school district for as long as you could remember. You couldn't remember when exactly things started changing for you.

"Oh? Well, you must be a wallflower, hmm? It's pretty rare Sanji takes this long to take notice of such a pretty girl."

Sanji was beginning to look embarrassed, and you felt as though a victory had been won. On the other hand, you felt it was your duty to change the subject for him.

"Does Sanji have a father?" you blurted, only considering afterward that it seemed an insensitive subject.

Sanji's mother coughed, covering her mouth as though she'd begun to choke. Sanji seemed taken aback by your question. He looked poised to stand from his seat.

"You feeling alright, Mom?"

She nodded, giving him a small, weak smile.

"I'm fine, dear. Don't worry."

"I-I'm sorry...I didn't mean to bring up - "

"Don't worry about it, sweetheart," she assured you sweetly. "It's sort of a sore subject, but you had no way of knowing."

"Oh, no, no, no...I really shouldn't have brought it up."

You looked down.

Sanji's mother cleared her throat.

"Anyways, I was wondering, [NAME]," Sanji's mother began, "where you got those black eyes from? Your nose looks broken. Did you fall?"

You felt your fork slip from your hand, heard it clatter against the table.

"I-I...I fell...I fell off my...my bike. I fell right on my face."

You looked up, glancing between the two of them anxiously.

Sanji's mother looked concerned, and Sanji's face was an odd mixture of emotions you really couldn't read clearly.

Your hand shaking, you picked up your fork again. What time was it? You were sure you should be leaving soon. However, it seemed only right to show your gratitude by clearing your plate, and you did it in record time.

Sanji stood from the table not long after you and took the dishes to the sink.

"What time do you need to be home, [NAME]? You think we have time to do a little more on the project?"

You glanced at the stove, which displayed a time of 6:04 PM. You shrunk a little.

"I have to get home pretty soon," you told him, your stomach churning.

"Let me walk you there. I can't stand the thought of you walking all that way by yourself."

He smiled at you sheepishly.

"Sorry I let it happen when you came up here."

"I-it's okay. You don't need to do that."

"I want to, [NAME]," he told you firmly.

So, without too much of a fight after that, you were heading back with Sanji.

"It's getting dark," you protested weakly as the two of you turned out of the driveway. "How are you going to get home by yourself?"

"I'll be okay," he replied with a smile. "Are you worried about me, [NAME]? That's so sweet."

Your face reddened, and you stared down at your feet.

"Hey, [NAME]. About the conversation we had? Over dinner?"

You looked up at him, feeling the colour drain from your face.

He lit up a cigarette he'd stuck in his mouth.

"My dad was a jackass," he explained around it.

You must have looked confused, because he continued, "I might tell you the whole story later, if you're willing to share something with me."

You felt a lump rise in your throat.

"When the day comes that you're comfortable telling me why you come to school every day with your beautiful skin marred up the way it is, I'll tell you."

Tears threatened to fall. You weren't at all ready for this conversation, and something in you had known he would try to start it should you take him up on his offer to walk you home. It was almost as if he could read your emotions, because he slung an arm around your shoulders and pulled you closer to him in a display of attempted comfort. It was working. It made you feel better. You felt as though your cold, dead body was filling with warmth for the first time in a long time.

It wouldn't last, you reminded yourself as you tore away from Sanji. You couldn't let him sway you. You knew he wouldn't want to be involved if he knew the truth.

You knew he'd be gone the instant you told him.


	4. Chapter 4

It was the weekend. You always left on the weekends. You were never at home for longer than you had to be. You slipped out the window in your bedroom, pulling it shut before you headed down to the library.

You loved the library. It was always quiet, and the smell of books - old and new alike - had a wonderful calming effect on you. No-one whispered things about you at the library, and no-one had the time to stare at you like you were the main attraction in the House of Freaks.

Movement caught your eye. Blonde hair seemed to be coming closer to you. You poured your attention back into your book, trying to ignore him. He probably wasn't even there to see you. If you didn't blend into the background, you'd be an intrusion on his every day life.

"Hey, [NAME]."

The book fell to the floor with a noise that wasn't quite a splat, but it wasn't quite a thud, either. Shaking, you looked up at him.

"I-I...Sanji? I mean, I...hello. Sanji."

He bent down to give your book back to you.

"Sorry about that. I gave you quite a scare, huh? I'm sorry I made you lose your place."

You cautiously took the book back from him.

"It's...okay."

He smiled at you. "You doing anything this weekend?"

You froze. Was he making plans? Plans to hang out with you? Plans to keep you out of the house?

"Just...staying up at the library...really..."

"Well, you think you'd want to take a walk with me?"

You hesitated, studying his face as though you'd find the answer you were looking for there. Truthfully, you didn't have a reason not to walk with him. You really wanted to, and no-one at your house would really even notice if you were gone the whole weekend.

So what was holding you back?

"Yes..." you answered him uncertainly, standing up to push the book into its proper place.

He smiled at you, and he went to hold the door open for you when you went to the front of the library. You pulled your coat tighter around yourself as you stared out into the streets. It was beginning to snow, from what you saw.

"It's starting to really cool down around here," Sanji remarked, letting the door fall shut behind him. "I wonder if we'll have any blizzards this year. We had one last year, remember that?"

You looked up at him, trying to remember. You didn't remember a whole lot. Your focus was on moving forward from day to day, and that didn't really include any memory saving.

"Yeah," you lied anyway.

He chuckled, lighting a cigarette. "Our car was stuck in the driveway for a week. We could hardly get anywhere. The snow piled up so much eventually that our door couldn't open more than just a crack."

You found yourself smiling. It wasn't so much that the story amused you, you knew, but the manner in which Sanji was telling it to you. You felt truly close to him, something foreign in your virtually friendless life.

"Hey!" he exclaimed suddenly. "You're smiling! I can't believe I got you to smile."

You jumped a little, looking back down at the ground. Was it really that big a deal? you wanted to ask. It was such an ordinary special.

"So, ah," he chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck, "I was in town 'cause I was going to go up to this party. I wanted to bring you along."

You stopped, considering. You'd never, ever set foot in a party before, and you certainly never planned to. Looking at Sanji, you entertained the idea for a moment. The fact of the matter was, you were terribly lonely and had nowhere else to go that weekend. On the other hand, you weren't at all sure you could handle the looks. The whispers.

"I..."

You looked up at him. He said nothing, only waited patiently for your answer, practically melting you with his inquisitive, blue-eyed gaze.

"I-I guess so," you decided hesitantly. Nothing was holding you from leaving if you wanted to, right?

"That's awesome, [NAME]," he replied, his face once more giving way to a childish grin as he grabbed your hand. "C'mon."

Subconsciously, you squeezed his hand tightly as you followed him along the sidewalk.

"We're going to Vivi's place," he clarified.

You knew Vivi. She was a nice girl, from what you could tell. Looking at you seemed to make her sad, so she ignored you as often as possible. Knowing the party was in her house, however, made you feel more at ease with the whole idea. Nice girl was no exaggeration. Vivi was completely straight-edge and everyone knew her as a daddy's girl. She'd never have anything obscene at her party, not that that would be a huge concern of yours. Alcohol and the like was never a big deal to you, but you weren't sure you wanted to delve into the crowd like that yet.

"You two would be great friends," Sanji continued, sounding a little weird about telling you to talk to someone else. "You're both so quiet."

You didn't want to talk to her, you thought as you unconsciously moved closer to Sanji. You didn't want him to think you were done with him. You didn't want him to leave.


	5. Chapter 5

She was scared to let you in. She couldn't stop staring at you. You almost told Sanji you weren't feeling well and had to go home. Almost.

He walked in with you hanging off of his arm like some sort of child he was charged with looking after. Hesitantly, you willed yourself to let him go, still following him as he weaved his way through the crowd to find his little group of friends.

"Hey, guys," he greeted cheerfully. "Have you met [NAME]? I wanted to bring her with me. She doesn't get out a whole lot."

Nobody answered him for an uncomfortable moment. You wanted to bolt at any second, but your feet were glued to the floor. Nami looked you over judgementally. She pulled Sanji aside and whispered something about you.

"Nami, dear," he tried, "we can't just go off of rumours. There's no telling if that's true."

It was true. You hadn't even heard her, and you knew it was true. You shrunk, hoping you never had to confirm the rumours. You disgusted everyone, how was Sanji any different should you let that slip?

Sanji noticed that you were slowly stepping out of the circle before you yourself did. He gave you a smile that communicated understanding and warmed you up. You slowly stepped back into your place beside him.

"It is," Nami hissed. "You saw her two months ago, same as everyone else."

Sanji said nothing. You felt it was time for you to leave, so you started trying to step out again. However, Sanji wouldn't let go of your arm.

"Hey, guys," Vivi greeted as she came over to where you guys were. "I hope you're enjoying yourselves; I've never hosted a party before."

You nodded politely to her, but she quickly averted her gaze.

"It's a wonderful party, Vivi," Sanji gushed, "especially for your first one!"

He turned to look at you.

"But, I think [NAME] needs some fresh air."

You were vaguely aware of Sanji nudging you in the direction of the door.

"I'll be back in a bit."

Sanji took you outside and patted you on the back reassuringly.

"Sorry, [NAME]. I thought it'd do you some good to be in a social setting."

You shook your head. "It's okay."

"I'm sorry about Nami," he apologised again. "She's usually very sweet, but..."

You fiddled with your fingers, growing more disdainful of yourself by the second.

"...People are afraid of you, [NAME]," Sanji said simply, lighting a new cigarette for himself.

Afraid? You looked back up at him.

"Nami told me...that you were pregnant until two months ago."

You felt as though someone had dropped a massive weight on your head. Your eyes began to burn with more than just the cold. This was it. You braced yourself for a life without Sanji.

"Sanji..."

"[NAME]? Why are you crying?"

You hiccuped and wiped the tears off your face.

"I'm sorry," you sniffled. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

Sanji cautiously pulled you toward him, gently bringing your face into his chest.

"I'm here for you...if you're ready to talk about it."

You were shaking, and all you could manage was wrapping your arms around him.

"I want to know why you hurt."

Words wouldn't even begin to form in your head. All you wanted to do was hold onto Sanji and keep your mind cleared of everything else.

Sanji cleared his throat, but made no movement to separate from you.

"[NAME], when I was eleven, my mom and I ran away."

You looked up at him. Was this the explanation he'd promised to you?

He pulled the cigarette out of his mouth so he could look down at you without blowing smoke in your face.

"We used to live in a pretty big house. There was lots of land for a kid to run around on. But, looking back, none of it matters. Never really did."

He hesitated, glancing to the side before continuing: "I used to wake up in the middle of the night and hear things. Mom always told me I had an overactive imagination, so I never really went to check them out. The noises, I mean. Once, though, when I was...nine? Yeah, when I was nine, I got up in the middle of the night."

He cleared his throat, looking away from you again so as to take another drag.

"I didn't know why I was up then. I still don't know. Something...possessed me, I guess. I, ah, I went to my parents' bedroom. I didn't knock on the door. It was weird. I guess, deep down, I knew something bad was going on."

He took another drag before pulling the cigarette out of his mouth again.

"She was...crying. I had never seen her cry before."

Your throat tightened.

"I was so angry, you know? I mean, that was my mom. And, well, she was the only person really looking out for me. My dad wasn't really anything more than a shadow in my life up until then. And - " here, he paused to rub the bridge of his nose in an attempt to keep his cool; " - it was a really dumb decision, but what can I say? I was an angry kid on my good days. I demanded to know why she was crying. He didn't answer me. He told me to go back to bed. I saw that he...he had a grip on her hair. He had been too shocked to let go when I opened the door. I wasn't stupid. I knew what was happening. I, uhm...I tried to attack him."

Was he going to cry? It looked like he was.

"She was hurt more that night than she was any other night before it. It only got worse from there. I made it worse for the next two years. I redeemed myself, though, [NAME]. I helped her get out of there, and I'm working really hard every day to make it up to her."

He took a particularly long drag from his cigarette, and you could hear him swallow a lump in his throat afterward. You wouldn't dare fight the urge to squeeze him, to tighten the grip your arms had on his waist. He rubbed your back.

"Can't really expect you to trust me with your story if I can't trust you with mine, can I?"

You shrunk. He had poured his heart out to you, told you a story he probably never told anyone.

Yet, you still couldn't find the will to do the same.

You pulled away from him, your body immediately missing the extra warmth that came from Sanji's.

"Don't think I'm trying to push you into anything either," he added quickly. "You tell me when you're ready."

He looked almost frantic, seeming as though he was afraid you'd run away again.

"I...can't," you managed, jamming your hands into your ratty coat pockets and looking at your feet. "I'm sorry."

Your apology was sounding cheaper every time the words came out of your mouth. Why couldn't you tell him the truth? More importantly, why did he care so much if you trusted him?

"I have to get home," you finished, your voice shaking.

"Do you need me to walk you?" he asked.

You shook your head reluctantly.

"It isn't too far."

Sanji took another drag off his cigarette that seemed to last forever before he spoke.

"You've always got a place to go, you know. My house is open."

You turned away, muttering a small thank you to him before heading back home.

You wanted to go further, to go to Sanji's house. You wanted to have dinner with him and his mother and sleep on the couch. You wanted to wake up in the morning to breakfast and be sent off to school with well wishes from Sanji's mother, but you couldn't. That wasn't your life. That was Sanji's. You had your own life, your own parents, your own brother. You had cereal for dinner if you were lucky, you tucked your brother in to bed before anything got too bad, you served as a stand-in for any bad thing that happened to your father during the day, you were there for your mother when she just 'didn't want to deal with it', and you took your brother out of the house as soon as the two of you were dressed for the day.

Sanji was too good to be true.


End file.
